Cracking open 8 year old My Bloody Valentine candy.

Cracking open 8 year old My Bloody Valentine candy.

I originally meant to do post this article last night in honor of February 14th. But hey, better late than never right? So basically our story begins eight years ago in Kittanning Pennsylvania. I was going to school in PA and one very cold late January weekend, me and my friend Melissa were bored stiff. Deciding to go on a road trip, we found out that the filming location for the 2009 slasher My Bloody Valentine 3D (which was a stellar remake to the 1981 holiday slasher) was less than an hour away from where we were living. In fact Kittanning PA is the location for several other films and TV series. Wanting to do something interesting, we took a brief road trip to this adorable small town, and began looking at all of the filming locations. 

We ended up stopping by the supermarket that's featured in several scenes, owned by the character of Sarah, where a pretty intense scene takes place with the killer later on in the film. What was so cool was that it was so close to Valentine's Day that there were decorations seriously everywhere like in the film. We wandered down the aisles, geeking out before I went through the same register that Tom (Jensen Ackles) goes to say hello to Sarah for the first time in years. Needing something to remember this epic trip by, I grabbed a box of those tasteless candy hearts that you can get around Valentine's Day. 

I originally planned on eating them...but somehow forgot about them. I ended up packing them when I moved back, and there they sat in my office. Years passed, and I even joked about someday having Jensen Ackles sign them (I have met the man before, but I knew my chances of meeting him again were slim to none) So, I just held onto them as a funny little rare piece of horror merch. Then I got an idea. In 10 years I would crack them open and try them.

Well, I lasted eight years. Long enough right?

I decided to say YOLO and try them as sorta an experiment. OH. MY. GOD. What was I thinking?

At first glance they didn't look bad. In fact they still carried that stale chalk like smell that those shitty candies always have. I shrugged, and popped one in my mouth.

Well, to say it was a little hard will be the understatement of the year. I would say it was like biting into a rock hard piece of stone, or steel...or a diamond. Whatever is really hard and tastes like shit.

Like really tasted like shit...

8 year old shit.

So in closing, I learned 8 year old candy tastes terrible, and I'll be sending out these little babies as mini paperweights for the remainder of the year!

Happy 14th everyone!