Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's day!

One of my all time favorite slashers is My Bloody Valentine, and its remake in my mind is one of the most well done works since The Thing. Look for future reviews for both films.

And remember...Hanniger! I'll be waiting in Hell for you!

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Most awesome tattoo ever...

Um...can we say best tattoo e-v-e-r?
Review of the amazing series Twin Peaks coming soon...

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Hottie of horror...

This week's hottie of horror is...
John Stockwell.
One of my all time favorite movies is Christine. A near perfect masterpeice about teenage obsession by horror wizards Stephen King and John Carpenter. Now I could go on for hours about why I love this movie so much, but I'll save that for a future review. With Monster Mania less than a month away in which the car will be making an appearance, I would it fitting to choose my first "Hottie of horror" being Mr. Stockwell who played Dennis in this classic 1983 terror filled automobile film.

John Stockwell was also in some classics in the 1980's, such as Top Gun, Losing It, and my personal and guilty pleasure favorite My Science Project. 

Now Mr. Stockwell isn't typical y my type, but I found him very attractive in Christine in which he plays the helpless best friend of the boy who slowly gets taken over by the haunted car's spirit. John now works as a writer/director in Hollywood and has worked on such films such as Into The Blue, and Turistas. John has aged very well, and even makes it out to a few car shows every once in a while whenever Christine is being shown off. My dream is to one day meet the whole original cast.

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Review - Offerings (1989)

Many say imitation is the sincerest form of flatter, 99.9% of the time I think this is complete and utter bullshit. If your a copycat...your a copycat. Of course on the other hand, certain times people who have a true passion about something, either a novel, a piece of art, or film show their love for it in something else they do. Taking elements and shaping it into something of their own.

With Offerings (1989) I believe this was one of those rare cases but it was poorly excused. The film it was trying so hard to intimate was John Carpenters' Halloween. (1978)

Offerings tells the story of John, a young mute boy who lives with his mentally abusive mother who’s just found out he's been killing and torturing small animals. The only person who's kind to John is Gretchen, a young girl who lives a couple of houses down. One day when Gretchen and John are playing a group of the local neighborhood kids come and start to harass John, daring him to do a “Well walk”. In which you must walk around the length of an old stone well in order to be part of their gang. John accepts the challenge, but when one of the kids scare him when he's balancing on the stone wall, John falls into the deep well, severely injury himself.

Seven years later John now a teenager is in a mental hospital, disfigured from his accident and convicted of his mother's murder. It seems shortly after John's accident, he lost his mind and brutally murdered his mother before being arrested and taken into the hospital's care. Now almost in a coma trance, John seems to be an empty shell...until he wakes and murders one of the nurses to escape. On the loose, John heads back to his old neighborhood for some payback on the children who caused his accident so many years ago...

Gretchen, the girl who was John's only friend is now a pretty young seventeen year old who's parents are away on vacation. It inst long until her friends slowly begin getting picked off and body parts are left on Gretchen's front porch as an offering. (ex- an ear, nose, ect).

Verdict – I bought Offerings on a complete blind buy when I snagged a copy of it during one of my many VHS tape hunts. I thought the cover was very interesting with the blood leaking present. Seemed almost like the bastard cousin of Happy Birthday To Me or Bloody Birthday. Mind you, many people joke my taste in movies...mostly horror isn't exactly what you would call...typical or classy. I have my own taste and believe it or not I found this movie as sort of a guilty pleasure. I love slashers, and of course all the classics...and trust me I've seen many piles of complete shit, movies that honestly makes me just stare in complete silence as the credits roll and wish to God I could get that time back in my life. I'm sure many have felt the same way about some gems I've shown them. Ha, ha, ha. But in all seriousness there's a difference between guilty pleasures, and shit. Offerings I saw as a low grade guilty pleasure.

During a time when many shitty slashers were being pumped out one after another after another, the quality began to go down. Lower budget, lower production, and bad actors and writers. Mind you Offerings is on the very far end of the scale of what makes a slasher classic and memorable, but I found it pretty enjoyable comparied to so many awful slashers that came out of such a good decade. Now 1989 was the tail end of the era of the Slasher craze. So many bad movies came out in this year, but one of my all time favorite slashers also was released Intruder. Offerings has a pretty cut and dry plot, like Horror Hound said it reflects a lot with Halloween, in fact a lot of its elements shadow Rob Zombie's Halloween remake. The acting is laughable, and so isn't the crazy plot hole of WHY would this girl continue to stay at this house after getting two...count em two body parts?! I did enjoy the pizza scene, and even though it's very low gore wise I thought a few of the kills were pretty interesting in a very simple way.

The score, along with some scenes (girl being attacked in a car, killer escapes a mental hospital, and stalks young girl, ect) are very Halloween like, but I honestly think the director just wanted to do his own take on such a classic that started the whole slasher craze.

The ending scene is a little out there, but had a tender moment that makes you feel sorry about the killer, which is a change that you don't often see.

A silly slasher that I enjoyed...go figure.

I guess Offerings is on DVD, but I'm old school and own the VHS copy. If your a horror fan or a slasher nut, check out Offerings, a pretty good find in a pile of many horrible unwatchable films. 

Two stars out of five. 

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

VHS cover of the week

VHS cover of the week...

CUJO (1983)

Reason why it rocks? - Very misleading. Honestly how could you ever know what this movie is really about just by looking at the cover? This is a classic that used to be a favorite of mine back in my tape renting days. Something about that creepy house in the distance and the old white fence that just makes a person drawn to wonder what exactly is Cujo? For those of you who know me Cujo is one of my all time favorite Stephen King novels, and was wonderfully adapted to the big screen in this classic gem. For those who still own their original tapes...hold it dear and close to you. It's a wonderful work of art. Still looking for a big box addition of this.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

The Kiss 1988

Back in October of 2009, I went into Boston for Coolidge Corner Theater’s annual all night Halloween marathon in which the double-bill was going to be one of my personal favorites Night Of The Creeps and 1988's The Blob. Just to capture the spirit of this 1980's horror fest, they found an original print of the trailer for 1988's The Kiss. It had so much 80's in that little one minute trailer, it leaked on the floor.

It wasn't until this past fall I made the very interesting adventure with my friend Nate to travel up to New Hampshire to visit Ruth, an 80 year old woman who owns this barn in the middle of nowhere where she sells thousands upon thousands of VHS tapes for cheap. (I can't make this stuff up) during one of my many tape binges, I discovered the VHS copy for The Kiss. I of course had to get it.

Shortly after I decided to dust off my trustworthy VCR and pop in this hidden gem.

The Kiss Is about Hillary, a happily married woman who lives with her husband Jack, and teenage daughter Amy. On the day of Amy's Confirmation, Hillary receives a very upsetting call. In utter panic she runs out attempting to find a way to protect her family when she's suddenly killed in a gruesome traffic accident. Shortly after the funeral, Felice, Hilary’s long lost sister returns hoping to claim her place in the family. Jack is quickly seduced by Felice, while Amy suspects Felice isn't exactly what she seems...

Verdict – What can I say about The Kiss? Well the first thing that stands out is that a young Meredith Salenger (Dream a little dream, Village of the damned) stars in this 80's gem, along with Joanna Pacula (Tombstone, Warlock 2). With a pretty impressive female cast the movie has a lot going for it, but sadly falls just inches flat from being a really well done film. The film had a solid back story going for it, and some really weird effects, but I have a feeling everything in this movie was going in about ten different directions. I feel midway through they lost me, and the ending sorta fell flat. (I'm sorry but that worm thing swimming around in the pool, seemed like a scene from Caddyshack on acid. Also the scene where the girl gets her whole period all at once at school, talk about a nightmare! I do have to hand it to them, the movie did have a very solid strong start, some very creative scenes, and a very original female female villain which we don't typically see.

I don't own this on DVD, but I guess it's still in print but there aren't any extras. The VHS copy I own is pretty sweet, and seeing that my VCR didn't gobble it up, its all good in my book.

So if your in the mood for some sleek sexy, weird, over the top 80's fun, check out The Kiss.

Three stars out of five.

Kill of the week

 Woodstock - The Burning 1981. (Fisher Stevens)

Before he was winning Oscars, Fisher Stevens met the most finger flying death in the history of horror!