Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Did you know...

 Did you know...
When originally Fred Dekker (Night Of The Creeps, The Monster Squad) was pitching the idea of making the story House to the studio, he had a much darker overall idea than what Ethan Wiley ended up making into the screenplay we all know and love.

Originally Fred pitched the idea that this movie would take place all one one night in which a man enters an old childhood home, and spends the most terrifying night of his life inside before barley escaping in the morning.

Pretty cool huh?

Well, what ended up being made of Steve Miner's 1986 classic that spawned 3 very bizarre and highly underrated sequels. Still, I for one would have loved to see what that darker version of the story would have ended up being like!

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Top fifteen favorite non-horror movies of all time.

 Top fifteen favorite non-horror movies of all time.
Not too long ago I made a list of my top ten favorite movies of all time, and then my top fifteen or twenty favorite horror movies in general. This list is simply my favorite non-horror movies. Now I'm not trying to bore you all with my personal picks but it's acutely a pretty cool idea. I love trying to narrow down my favorites of any sort of movie and then hearing others. So here it is guys, my top fifteen favorite non horror movies of all time!

Indian Summer

Summer School


Die Hard 

Back To The Future

This Is Spinal Tap

Best In Show

Inglourious Basterds

The Outsiders


Red Dawn

Monsters - Jar

 Monsters - Jar

PLOT - While managing a remote inn near a wilderness swamp, an innkeeper makes ends meet by selling jars of items from the swamp. One particular item helps others to "meet ends". A curious private eye checks into the inn in search of a missing person, and meets Ann, who has brought her husband there to get him "away from it all.

LOWDOWN - I have several times in the past reviewed and remarked on episodes of the television series Monsters. Airing for three seasons, Monsters was a more low budget version of Tales From The Darkside. Dealing mostly with the monsters, demons, and ghouls, this television series was a hidden gem that sadly became overshadowed when the much higher budget Tales From The Crypt began in 1989. The 7th episode in the second season is in what my eyes is one of the best stories told. Monsters really wasn't my cup of tea, there were some really great episodes but I feel Jar was by far the best.

This tells the story of a small remote inn near a swamp and how a private eye comes in searching for a missing person. There he comes across a beautiful woman and her much older bastard of a husband. It seems that she's trapped in a loveless marriage since if the husband dies she looses all of his fortune. That night we witness when the woman buys what appears to be a large jar from the inn keeper. Sneaking back into her room, she gives the husband the jar saying she it's his favorite pickles. There suddenly a large squid like creature leaps up from the jar attacking the husband and literally gets sucked into nothing, only his clothes on the floor remaining. It isn't long until the private eye comes barging in hearing all the noise only to discover what terrible secret the wife planned and actually seeing it as the perfect crime. No body...no murder.

I think the big reason why I like this episode is because of actor Fritz Weaver. Originally starring in Creepshow, one of the best horror anthologies from the 1980's. Going on to appearing in one of the best episodes of Tales from the darkside, and then of course fricking being the reason John D LeMay's character becomes possessed in Friday the 13th the series. This man has talent.

I loved the whole inn being in the middle of nowhere by the swamp and how the owner knows that these horrible creatures are living there and he simply catches and jars them to sell for murder. The creature leaps out, sucks the person dry and goes back into the jar. No mess...no clean up!

I liked the ending twist of course and I found this episode to be very well written as brief as it was. In fact I feel this could have even been longer, maybe even a full length film. But then again aren't all the best episodes feel a bit too short.

I strongly recommend this episode to anyone. If you wanna see a clever tale with some pretty cool effects, check out Jar. It's by far one of the best episodes of Monsters that ever aired!

4 Stars!

Saturday, April 27, 2013

Top ten favorite werewolf movies

  Top ten favorite werewolf movies.

The Howling

An American Werewolf In London

Silver Bullet
Ginger Snaps

Werewolf Hunter: The Legend Of Romasanta

The Howling: VI: The Freaks 

The Howling IV: An Original Nightmare

Dog Soldiers


Friday, April 26, 2013

The January Man...wtf did I just watch?

 The January Man...wtf did I just watch?

PLOT - Nick and Frank Starkey were both policemen. A scandal forced Nick to leave the force, now a serial killer has driven the police to take him back. A web that includes Frank's wife, bribery, and corruption all are in the background as Nick tries to uncover the secret of where the killer will strike next, and finally must lay a trap without the police. 

LOWDOWN - I decided to buy The January Man after I rediscovered my love for actor Alan Rickman after two drunken weekends straight of the Harry Potter movies and Die Hard. Trying to pick up a few movies he had been in for cheap, I came across The January Man and right away my curiously got the best of me. Being made in 1989, this was a year after Rickman made villain history with playing Hans Gruber. Seeing he was in a supporting role, I decided to give this movie a try since it looked like a pretty legit thriller.

Boy was I wrong.

I feel this movie honestly tried to be too many things at once in the small amount of time they had. I mean the plot pretty much sums it all up. There's all this back story that's never fully explained and characters that aren't fleshed out enough. They try to make the lead character this odd ball hero who has this strange talent/skill with working on the police force, but it just falls flat. I nearly died at the scene where he was the fire fighter and crashed through the wall with the little girl in his arms. I feel they tried to capture the same vibe Manhunter had with Will Graham and it just came out as forced and half assed. The subplots are messy and all over the place. Nothing is developed and you really do feel nothing for these characters that are supposed to have all this history.

I feel writing and directing like this is just plain lazy.

Kevin Kline plays his role half asleep which is a shame since he really is a good actor. The mustache seemed to have more life than him. Just didn't feel him as the actor, plus those accents I couldn't keep track! Are you Italian?Also the scene where he cooks for Susan Sarandon had me gagging. That squid or whatever the fuck he made her looked horrible. I felt as if I could smell it coming through the screen.

Speaking of Susan Sarandon, what the hell was she doing in this movie? Used in a sub plot that really didn't further the storyline, I feel she just came on set to collect her paycheck. That goes the same for Harvey Keitel and Rod Steiger. The amount of OVER acting that happened in this movie was cringe worthy. Seriously just scenes of men screaming at each other and saying "fuck" every two seconds really seemed a little out of place. I'm sorry but unless it's Goodfellas it just doesn't feel right.

Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio I've never been a fan of for some strange unknown reason. Maybe it's because as a kid I was obsessed with the movie The Abyss and her character was the reason Michael Biehn died.

Spoiler alert...

Anyways, she really wasn't my cup of tea. I guess she went on to marry the director which isn't a huge surprise to me since there is a VERY out of place sex scene in this movie which the leadup is pretty laughable. I feel the director/writer just didn't want to waste any more time so he has two characters who have just met pretty much say fuck it and go to a hotel to hook up.


On an interesting note Mary in a few years would go on to be in the HORRIBLE Robin Hood movie with Kevin Costner. Yet again she co-starred with Alan Rickman who yet again stole the show in his very over the top performance.Which he did again in this movie as the lead's best friend/neighbor/artist. Alan was a great addition to this mess of the movie and I just wish he had been in more scenes. That man could read the back of the cereal box to me and I would swoon.

The only little clever/good thing about this movie was the mystery of the murder. For the last year women have been strangled by an unknown killer who strikes every month. The latest being a friend of the mayor's daughter. With one month left to complete the 12 cycle, Nick is hired to try and figure out who the killer is.

Okay...sounds pretty good but trust me they never use the plot the way it's supposed to be. I mean you would have to be a complete idiot not to see the pattern with the killings each month. Then, maybe it's because I had half tuned out by then but Nick sees a pattern with the windows of each floor the victims have been killed on (Um, if it all took place in one building...wouldn't the police notice this?) Well they don't, and Nick somehow figures out the pattern of the windows are music notes which end up being to the tune of "I love, I love, I love my calendar girl."  The scene where Nick is figuring this out and humming the music is beyond laughable.

There's a lot of late 1980's bad computer detective work, Alan Rickman looking adorable, lots of bad acting, and finally the showdown which seemed to be the only interesting part of the whole movie.

Pretty much the love interest, Nick, and Alan Rickman figure out which apartment the next murder will strike. They do a stakeout in a closet across the hall and keep watch (bringing a picnic dinner of course.) What their plan is to stop the woman who lives in the apartment before she comes home and switch her with the love interest who is wearing a steel collar to prevent her from being strangled. I love how Nick's plan is when he hears the struggling on the other side of the door to break it down with a sledgehammer instead of using a gun.


Well of course they see the killer breaking in wearing a really bad curly wig and black grease paint painted all over his face. Alan Rickman remarks they should take him now but Nick brings up a good point. It would just be breaking and entering, they need to catch him in the act. When the woman arrives, right before she opens the door Nick and Alan grab and carry her to the closet before explaining who they are and what their gonna do.

All seems perfect right?


This is when the movie takes a very strange turn. The love interest goes in, begins to get "strangled" and yells for Nick who tries to break down the door with the sledgehammer. That's when the over the top 1980's saxophone music starts blasting and while the love interest is struggling with the killer who can't seem to figure out why she isn't dying, Nick like a complete moron keeps whacking at the door before it breaks down.The killer of course storms at him, knocking him and Alan Rickman down. That's when Kevin Kline legit has a ten minute scene with the killer as he chases after him, latching onto his leg and slowly gets dragged down the stairs with him while all the neighbors watch. I seriously couldn't stop laughing. It seemed like some strange slap stick comedy I was watching instead of a thriller about a serial killer. The stairwell scene goes on forever and with the over the top music and Kevin Kline just being dragged down the stairs telling the killer he's not letting go had me in complete awe.

In the very end the police arrive and Mr. Kline delivers the killer wrapped up in a carpet. Yep, that's right. When they reveal the killer nobody knows who he is. So any mystery or build up is ruined. The killer's grease painted face did remind me a little of the killer from When A Stranger Calls Back though. The movie ends on a very odd note, not tying up any loose ends. Susan Sarandon gives some check back that had something to do with the plot, and Alan Rickman leaves to go mix up paint. I usualy wouldn't spoil an ending like this...but I think I'm saving some people the time.

The January Man is a very over the top badly written movie with a good idea that sadly isn't delivered in the right way. Seriously unless your a big Alan Rickman fan, don't waste you're time.

So...yeah pretty much...it sucked.

1 Star!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Hatchet III Unrated - Official Trailer!!!

Hatchet III Unrated - Official Trailer!!!

Time to get CRAZY excited! The official uncut trailer for Hatchet III was finally released today and I honestly have to say if I wasn't all ready sold on this movie...I am now.

Hatchet III is due to be released June 14th, and is what is being called as the most brutal and final chapter in the popular slasher trilogy. Adam Green has handed the bloody axe down to director BJ McDonnell, and after watching this trailer today I honestly feel we're in good hands. 

The plot for the movie is a search and recovery team heads into the haunted swamp to pick up the pieces and Marybeth learns the secret to ending the voodoo curse that has left Victor Crowley haunting and terrorizing Honey Island Swamp for decades.
Starring Danielle Harris, Kane Hooder, Caroline Williams, Derek Mears...and of course last but never least Mr. Zach Galligan. 
Having followed the production of this movie for months now, I can honestly say this movie I've been the most looking forward to seeing. I'm not a huge fan of the first two Hatchet movies but highly enjoyed them for exactly what they are. Being Zach Galligan's biggest fan girl, I have to say the Southern accent is a plus. I'm lovin it.

With meeting Mr. Galligan in less than a month, I'm even more excited than I originally was! So bring on the gore! I know where I'll be June 14th!

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

A very weird and morbid children's book

 A very weird and morbid children's book
As a teacher, one comes across some really weird fucking things. Just a month or so ago a fellow co-worker of mine dug out by far the weirdest and most bizarre children's book we've ever seen. 

The name of this book is The Z was zapped. It's a black and white picture book featuring the ABC's and all the misfortune they come across. As I flipped through this book, I honestly couldn't believe it was made for children. In fact I was down right shocked. I mean yeah there's worse things, but I couldn't help but laugh watching these letters get chopped, drowned, and kidnapped. I feel somebody who really loved some dark horror decided to take their "stab" at some good old fashion letter learning.

Here is some photos from this very morbid and weird book.

The Lords Of Salem - Ehhh...

 The Lords Of Salem - Ehhh...

PLOT - Heidi, a radio DJ, is sent a box containing a record -- a "gift from the Lords." The sounds within the grooves trigger flashbacks of her town's violent past. Is Heidi going mad, or are the Lords back to take revenge on Salem, Massachusetts? 

LOWDOWN - I wouldn't call myself a SUPER big fan of Rob Zombie. I'm not really a big music nut but I have listened to his music from time to time whenever it played either on the radio or appeared on a film soundtrack. I was there opening weekend when House Of 1000 Corpses was finally released. In fact I still remember my mother buying me and my friend tickets so we could go in. A few years later I was nicely surprised by it's follow-up The Devil's Rejects which took the story of House a step further. Turning it's bizarre Fun house/Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 colorful feel away, he made it's sequel into a gritty 1970's Western that I loved. Mr. Zombie did something very few have tried before in the past. He took insane horrible characters that were the villains and made the audiance feel sorry for them and root for them in the end. I still feel the very end blaze of glory is one of the best endings to a horror movie in the last fifteen or so years.

Then Halloween came.

I think we all know my feelings towards remakes. Halloween really didn't need to be remade but like so many other classics it happened. I have sorta a find memory to the first remake being released back on my 19th birthday in 2007. My mother and sister took me, and I remember walking out afterwards sorta in a daze. I didn't hate it. but I didn't love it. I remember giving it another try a week or so later with my mother again and I couldn't believe she enjoyed it. I still remember he explaining to me that this remake was by no means as good or as classic as the original (my late mother was a huge fan of the original Halloween and even saw in at a drive-in with my father back in 1978), but it was a decent movie which had some pretty good elements that worked for it and it was by far much better than a few of the sequels that were released from that series. I remember slowly the movie grew on me. It wasn't a terrible film, but it wasn't good either. I always say I can tell it's a Rob Zombie movie just seconds into watching it by the dialog. Still like I said certain things were horrible about this movie, and other things worked for it. In the grand world of remakes that isn't all that bad.

Then Halloween II came out or should I say H2 "sigh". This was a very bizarre movie. Instead of trying to remake the original sequel we pretty much got a two hour acid trip ride showing a girl who was in the process of a nervous breakdown. This movie hit a little too close to home for me since the same year this movie was released I had lost my mother. I felt bad for the character of Laurie, but also found her very unlikeable. The surreal dream images didn't fit in and the movie really was nothing more than a visual thrill ride with a poorly written plot.

That's the same with Lords Of Salem.

I'm from Massachusetts and live about a half an hour or so away from Salem. I love that town and often visit it around Halloween. It's a great little town with rich history so seeing that Mr. Zombie was from Haverhill (the next town over from where I live) I felt he was the right man to do the job.

I didn't follow the making of the movie but when the teaser trailer was leaked this summer I got pumped. The posters, cast, and little bit I knew about the movie seemed promising.

So Sunday morning, hungover as shit I wandered out to go see this movie and honestly couldn't have been more disappointed.

What we had was a great storyline. I LOVED the setting of Salem and having this radio DJ receive the record from the band "The Lords." In fact the first half an hour of the film was great. Meg Foster honestly blew me away in her role, and I loved of course seeing adorable Dee Wallace Stone. 

The movie had somewhat likeable characters and I really have to hand it to Mrs. Zombie. Even though many find her annoying I thought she did a great job in this movie and I loved the blended lines of a girl under a spell, or a nervous breakdown. 

Bruce Davison also did a great job, and like I said I found many of the characters very likeable. I found the visuals breathtaking, and the whole first half of the movie a very weird beautiful living breathing piece of art. Sadly the movie lost me in the last twenty minuites and it seemed like some weird acid trip gone wrong. The visuals were just there to be shocking and it came off as cheap. I hate movies being weird just for the sake of being weird. They took a very promising story and shit all over it. The movie had it's highlights (loved the Lords song on the record, beyond haunting...) Still, I was disappointed and didn't really like what sort of movie I ended up seeing.

Like I said visualy, wonderful. Story-line wise...ehhhh.

If there's every an uncut version for this movie I'm sure I'll check it out for cheap. Until then...Mr. Zombie, I'll be waiting for the next project.

1 1/2 Stars!