Thursday, November 26, 2015

What would we like to see if Thanksgiving was made?

 What would we like to see if Thanksgiving was made?

Back in 2007 audiences from around the world were blown away by one of the best fake movie trailers of all time. 


Grindhouse was an action packed gore fest that paid tribute to the 1970's drive-in days of classic Grandhouse films where you could watch two movies for the price of one. Quentin Taratino and Robert Rodriguez teamed up yet again to creative two very amusing movies with very unique plots. Planet Terror and Death Proof. As much shit as these movies got, you really had to hand it to them for trying something new for movie goers. I honestly think the release date (around Easter of that year) and the fact so many people didn't understand what these storytellers were trying to do resulted in it being a box office flop. Still, almost ten years later these movies have a love hate relationship with fans. With all star casts, gore splattered across the screen, and a killer soundtrack, these two movies were a breath of fresh air and fun all around.

What made these movies so great were the fake trailers that were between each film. Famous directors like Rodriguez, Rob Zombie, and Edgar Wright all directed a trailer no longer than a minute but created their very own worlds including werewolf's, nazis, ghosts, Mexican hit man, and so much more. One trailer didn't make the cut Hobo With A Shotgun, but ended up with it's own feature film just like Rodriguez' Machete. So many people wondered, when would the others have their chance to shine. The one trailer that got the most hype was by director Eli Roth who was fairly new to the scene at the time. Becoming a member of the splat pack, he all ready had such movies as Cabin Fever and Hostel was his belt. Thanksgiving paid tribute to classic slashers from the 1980's that took place during the holidays. So far we had Halloween, Christmas, Valentine's Day, even birthdays covered. Besides Home Sweet Home, and Blood Rage, there was a serious lacking of horror films that actually took place on Thanksgiving. Thanks to Mr. Roth we were reward with one of the best fake movie trailers of all time.

With stars such as Michael Biehn, and others from the Hostel movies, this film set the perfect tone for what I believe would have been the ultimate modern day slasher. With the Creepshow soundtrack, and a voice over we were reward with bloody holiday themed gore with memorable moments as the gym scene and of course the final dinner shot. This trailer caused much hype and after Machete was made fans had their mouths watering wondering when Roth would finally get around to making Thanksgiving.

Sadly after Hostel II flopped, Roth took a step back from directing and stuck with producing and acting before finally making the ultimate comeback with The Green Inferno. Today to pay tribute to the holiday I'm making a short list of things I feel fans would truly want to see if Thanksgiving was actually made into a feature film.

1) Get Eli to direct.
- Like I said, it seemed for a brief period of time Eli might have lost his luster for making awesome gore filled movies that paid tribute to a much better time after Hostel II. I understand what he was doing with that movie, but besides just continuing on with the story, it really didn't add much. After The Green Inferno I know in my heart he would be able to handle this two fold. In fact if they let him do his thing I'm sure there would be no better director to do this than him. He would capture the vibe that so many classic slashers before hand held. I bet it would be a gritty old school tribute to slashers from the late 70's and 1980's. Let it be as over the top as nuts as possible,. Even if he couldn't completely match to the trailer, try to go as nuts as possible. I really want to see that dinner scene "Happy Thanksgiving grandma!"

2) KNB gore
- KNB rules when it comes to creating gore filled movies. These guys have been around since the glory days of Intruder and Day Of The Dead. I've had the pleasure of metering two of the original guys from it and they are beyond likable and down to earth. I mean these guys have seriously done makeup on nearly every single movie and have won Oscars! I'm sure after The Green Inferno they would make this movie beautiful with some of the most over the top gore scenes ever to splatter across the silver screen. I want to see that trampoline scene dammit! 

3) Get Lorenza Izzo and Daryl Sabara to star in it.
- What truly won me over with The Green Inferno was the likable cast. Eli Roth's beautiful wife Lorenza I think would be the perfect final girl for Thanksgiving. Her eyes are gorgeous! I've yet to see her in Knock, Knock yet but if she delivers what she brought from The Green Inferno I'm sure  she'll rock it. Same goes with Daryl Sabara who's a far cry from his Spy Kids days. I could totally see this guy stealing every scene in the movie all over again. Please Eli recast these two!

4) Michael Biehn as the sheriff. 
- I love me some Biehn. A classic actor who's appeared in such films as The Terminator, Aliens, The Abyss, Navy Seals, and Tombstone. Biehn had a comeback with Planet Terror, and even was put in Roth's fake trailer for Thanksgiving. Him muttering "Sonofabitch…" during the trailer forever and always have me cracking up.

5) Have fake trailers play before the opening.
- To complete the ultimate feel of this being a gritty 1980's slasher I would pass the torch down and have one or two fake trailers play before the opening of this movie directed by other horror peeps. I mean come on, I would die to see one directed by Adam Green or Ti West!

- Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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