Saturday, January 31, 2015

Creepshow III and what went wrong...

 Creepshow III and what went wrong...

In 1982 two horror masterminds came together and became a force to be reckoned with the EC comic book anthology Creepshow. Here Stephen King (Carrie, and The Shinning.) and George A. Romeo (Night Of The Living Dead, and Dawn Of The Dead.) teamed up making five colorful horror stories of ghouls returning from the grave in search of cake, strange alien like growth, a vengeful murdering husband, a man eating monster, and killer bugs. This film featured an all star cast, awesome effects, and a memorable score. A living breathing horror comic book brought to life, Creepshow became an instant classic and a staple for horror fans. Five years later, a sequel was made with a new director in the chair with King and Romero supervising. Instead of 5 tales, the film was limited to 3. A wooden storefront Indian goes on a rampage after watching it's owners get murdered in a robbery. A group of teens are stranded on a raft in the middle of a lake while a flesh eating mass of goo surrounds them, and a hitchhiker returns from the grave to haunt the woman who killed him. All of these stories memorable, but not nearly as classic as the original. 

Years passed and as popular as the films remained, many would ask. 

Where's Creepshow III?

Many have argued that the 1990 film Tales From The Darkside (which was a spin off idea of the original Creepshow, turning into a weekly television show that lasted 4 seasons with Romeo and King backing it.) Even Tom Savini himself has claimed that Tales From The Darkside the movie is the unofficial Creepshow III. 

Years passed and then finally after many rumors of a part III, a remake, a reboot, ect, ect, ect. What could be called a blessing or a curse was announced. 

Creepshow III.

Let's start off with how this even fucking happened. Creepshow III was released direct to DVD in 2006 seriously out of nowhere made by Ana Clavell and James Glenn Dudelson better wise known as the STD's of idiots as far as "writers" and "directors" go. In fact it down right sickens me that you could even say they are writers or directors. I think their mission was simple. Take great original ideas, steal the title, and legit shit all of them. These two sickos owned a company that would wait until certain films or their names were cheap enough so their sorry excuse for a production company could buy the title and the title alone. Here they would make complete hack jobs of whatever movie they had, making sequels that had ZERO involvement with the original companies, directors, writers, and producers. Pretty much these low budget assholes would come on, buy the title and make a movie so bad and low budget it's painful to watch. In fact I've seen better production value in middle school media classes before. 

Or maybe I should just tell you how I really feel?

Not only did these assholes do this to Creepshow III, they also made a "direct" sequel to George's 1985 cult zombie classic Day Of The Dead by naming it Day Of The Dead 2 Contagium. This mess has a 2.2 ratting on the IMDB (Creepshow III has a 2.9) These movies feature terrible acting, shitty CGI and effects, and stories that are so bad they made my head ache. Creepshow III has NOTHING and I mean NOTHING going for it. In fact I heard about how down right awful it was for years and still was stupid enough to buy this DVD for 3 dollars (I over paid) even if some of this stories sound cool, or so stupid they must be amusing don't be fooled. They are awful, simply awful. 

All of these stories are "connected" and make zero sense. One story is about a girl Alice who changes not only her race, but her family's race by a television remote, but each time it's used she begins to transform into a large tumor (not even joking) and somehow that makes her turn into a rabbit. (...)

Another story I recall was about this older neighbor who has this pretty pretty wife and how two local boys don't believe she's real, and chop her up to prove she's a robot (...)

Another is about a radio that tells a man to kill, another is about a hooker who's supposed to kill a guy (are you asleep yet?) and last but not least, the final story is called "The haunted dog" which is about a homeless guy who chokes to death on a hot dog and haunts the doctor who gave it to him by holding up the half eaten hot dog (...)

I can't express enough how BAD these stories are. In fact I broke down and made the stupid choice in buying this for shits and giggles after watching a video review on this movie and how bad it was. Somehow I laughed so hard at how stupid it sounded I thought just to say to Hell with it and buy it for a few laughs. I got nothing, complete zip out of this buy besides feeling angry with myself that I did it. This movie is a complete slap in the fact to the first two and fans can't stress enough it has NOTHING and I mean NOTHING to do with the first two. In fact, it's more like the bastard wannabe cousin of them.

Since then rumors have been flying of a remake to Creepshow or in fact a third movie. Sadly the IMDB page keeps getting pushed back and it seems to be floating in development Hell. There have been rumors of Stephen King's son Joe Hill (little boy who fucks with Tom Atkins in the wraparound story in the original, as well as being a published writer like his father in such works as Horns) in maybe remaking the TV series Tales From The Darkside which featured some works of his father. I feel a third Creepshow made by Romero or the right person would be awesome but more than likely have to be released on either Netflix or direct to DVD. Creepshow 2 didn't do that hot at the box office more than 25 years ago, and films like this as much as a following as they have sadly don't do well. I believe just calling it Creepshow would be fine enough. People could say it's a remake or a retool but feature brand new unused stories. I would have them back to 5 and maybe have a different director direct each segment. If not have Romeo come back and go back to his roots (none of this new bullshit, but Romeo back when he was on fire in the 70's and 80's.) If they did do different directors via ABC's of death or VHS pick the right directors, no hacks. Maybe Ti West, Eli Roth, Edgar Wright, ect. 

As for stories they could think of original ones or borrow/remake some of King's short stories (The Jaunt, The Monkey, even Granmma...I'm still in mourning over Mercy) If not think of all those episodes of Tales From The Darkside. Some of those are just dying to be remade! I would feature the whole movie littered with classic iconic horror stars from the past and present and yes, go old school with practical effects even with the creep himself (sorry no Savini in a mask) maybe have KNB do it.) With this, I feel Creepshow or the new Creepshow III would not only be a final chapter or installment in the series, but something that would be a gift to so many hard core fans and wash away that horrible taste of the 2006 movie.

I mean come on, these movies are just as popular as they were when they were first released. Look at all awesome those records sold!

1 comment:

  1. I agree, those 2 were absolute gems & the third was shockingly bad! I so hope they get all the old Directors back for a fitting third instalment!