Top ten favorite roles of Mr. Ted Raimi!!!
I'm writing this article from bed since I still haven't shaken this flu/sinus infection from HELL. I'm totally beating myself up since sickness seems to be a very common theme in why I've yet to meet Mr. Ted Raimi. It all happened back in 2014 when I was working security at HorrorHound. They were having a bit of an Evil Dead trilogy reunion and Trevor, one of the main runners of the show knew how much I adored the Raimi brothers. He was awesome enough to allow me to not only pick up Ted from the airport, but to be his assistant and work his table. I seriously couldn't believe it. I was giddy with excitement the whole week leading up to it...then tragedy struck. We received news at the airport that Thursday to go get him that Ted came down with the flu and had to sadly cancel. Bummer of the century. Cut to this past weekend. Ted was going to be one of the guests at Rock & Shock. I seriously couldn't believe it. I have been a Raimi fan for years. I have Sam from Intruder tattooed on me (have been planning on getting Ted tattooed on me as well.) I adore his movies, and have been dying to meet him since that weekend in 2014. I was gearing up to meet him, show him the tattoo, and basically melt since I've had a crush on him since I first saw him in Shocker. Sadly I came down with the sinus infection/flu from HELL which I still haven't been able to shake for the last two weeks. As exhausted as I was, I tried to rally and at least meet the Twin Peaks dude as well as see some of my friends I only get to see this time of year. Well, the closest I got to being near Raimi was attending his panel hosted by the awesome Stephanie Wiley. Me, Courtney, and Mike sat front row and got to see Ted act hilarious, and speak about his career. I seriously wanted to ask a question, but I was starting to really not feel so hot since my fever was returning. Still, I was in complete awe I was sitting this close to a Raimi. I had plans on meeting him, but sadly I was too sick and didn't want to get him sick. I seems illness seems to be a common theme on us never meeting. Still, I've made it my goal to try and meet him within the next year even if I have to travel to do so. (Hum...maybe I should get going on that Ted tattoo soon...)
So to celebrate Mr. Raimi and the fact I've still yet to meet this man, I decided to make a list of my personal favorite roles played my Mr. Ted Raimi himself. Until next time Ted, hopefully we'll both be in better health next time...
10) Heavy Metal Dude - Twin Peaks
- As if we need any other reasons to list why Ted is such an icon, why not mention that he appeared in two episodes of Twin Peaks back in the early 90's as a heavy metal dude who sadly wandered into the woods with the promise of beer, only to get sealed into a giant chess piece as be used as a message to Agent Cooper. Somehow season 2 of Twin Peaks is something I constantly watch whenever I'm sick. Ted's episode is always one that plays constantly in my house. Sure season two had some crazy subplots, but that's what made it so wonderful and strange! I loved every single second of it. Just a shame that he got killed off! Would have loved to see him come back for The Return. Ted mentioned during the panel I attended that when he went in for his reading, he had no idea that David Lynch was in the room since he looked like...and I quote "Somebody's dad." Only Ted Raimi would read for Lynch having no idea who he was and still get the part. Legendary!!!
9) Ed - Wishmaster
- Anyone my age remembers renting Wishmaster. This was a super decent 90's horror movie that was loaded with memorable faces in the world of horror. I love Ted's cameo since he accidentally gets killed when a very drunk Captain Rhodes (Day Of The Dead) lets a heavy box snap from a crane and go crashing down on him. It's a brief little role, but nevertheless worthy of a mention since Ted is featured along side so many other kings of horror just like himself.
8) Billy - Candyman
- Ted looked sexy as HELL in his brief little role in Clive Barker's Candyman. I'm a huge fan of the first two Candyman movies, and have always said they are perfect examples that the 1990's actually did have some really great horror movies in them. Ted played Billy, in the film's opening through a story that a college student is telling the lead. It seems there's this urban legend which is sorta like Bloody Mary, but instead if you say Candyman five times in a mirror, the ghost of Candyman, a man with a hook for a hand will come and kill you. Ted is Billy, who's the badass rebel that the girl in the story is more interested in (way to go Ted!) The two go up to the bathroom where the girl starts getting a little hot and heavy with Ted in front of the mirror before they start saying Candyman in the mirror. Lucky for Ted, he stops at 4 times, before going downstairs for a beer. The girl on the other hand is a complete idiot and says candyman for the 5th time. The rest of the story says that the girl and baby she was babysitting were slaughtered, and when Ted saw the aftermath his hair turned white from fright. A small cameo, but nevertheless very memorable. Also Ted knows how to rock the shit out of a leather jacket!!!
7) Alex - The Grudge
- I remember how HUGE The Grudge remake was when I was in high school. I caught it in theathers, having never seen the original and actually dug the first movie (I bought 2 and 3 and honestly can't say I even remember them.) The first film on the other hand I did remember. Ted played Alex, who if I remember correctly was the lead's boss at the health aid company who hired people to go to houses where the elderly lived to help them. Ted's role wasn't huge, but it was memorable. First of all, he looked handsome AF in it. (Was it just me that kinda wished Sarah Michelle Gellar's love interest was Alex? What? Only me?) Ted's death is actually one of the scariest, even if we don't see it on screen. That ghost with no jaw was terrifying! Also long live the scream king Ted Raimi. That man sure knows how to die in a film!
6) Joe - Intruder
- Intruder is one of my all time favorite slashers! (I have Ted's brother Sam dead on a meathook tattooed on me) I always found this film highly underrated, and loved that it got a killer blu-ray release a few years back completely uncut showing all of the super gory deaths in all their glory! Ted plays Produce Joe, who is barley in the movie, but nevertheless has some hilarious scenes. He basically is the only one who keeps working the whole movie, blissfuly unaware of anything going on, headphones blasting. I love the scene where he's jamming out, still working out back where Sam his brother calls out "Lost your job Joe!" as Joe, who hasn't heard him keeps working. Joe sadly gets a knife to the head, and his very hacked up body is found later on by the poor final girl as she runs and tries to hide in the locked up supermarket. It always warms my heart seeing the Raimi brothers work together, and this film is very near and dear to my heart. Love that Ted was able to be one of the very unlucky crew members to get sliced and diced!!!
5) Possessed Henrietta - Evil Dead 2
- I adore Ted's brother Sam's movies, and what is even cooler is the fact Ted usually is a hidden Easter egg in them that fans need to spot. Some roles are bigger than others, but one of the most memorable ones has to be in Evil Dead II where he plays old sweet possessed Henrietta. Bursting up from the fruit cellar, Ted wearing VERY heavy makeup attacks Ash in the cabin, and becomes quite the terrifying monster uttering the film's most iconic line "I'll swallow your soul!" A fun, and sorta gross fact about Ted in this movie is that the heavy suit he wore (which was also loaded down with sand bags) was so heavy and became so hot underneath the studio lights, that Ted would be drenched in sweat. Like...a very unhealthy amount of sweat. Ted has appeared in one way or another in all of Sam's Evil Dead films. This crazy balls to the wall sequel is Ted's biggest role. In fact whenever you think of the Evil Dead films, as well as the 3 season Ash Vs. Evil Dead Ted's Henrietta is what usually comes to mind.
4) Rick - Darkman
- Darkman is a perfect example that Ted's brother Sam had the ability to make superhero films long before the first series of Spiderman movies that came out in the mid 2000's. Darkman was a VHS tape my parents owned and I remember watching often as a kid. It wasn't until a few years back that I re-visited the film that I saw what a great film it actually is. It tells the story of a scientist who has discovered how to make synthetic skin. Only problem is that it only lasts under an hour or so before melting away. It isn't until a crime boss attacks him at his lab, leaving him horribly burned and disfigured. Seeking revenge on those who harmed him, he uses his skin to use different identities and kill off everyone who harmed him while still trying to protect his girlfriend. Ted has appeared in many of his brother's films, and this was the first time since Crimewave since he appeared without prosthetics or heavy makeup. Ted played Rick, a man new to this family of crime that is the first to get eliminated by "Darkman" seeking information. His death is actually very unsettling. He's shoved up through a manhole cover as cars and trucks zoom past him until finally his luck runs out and he's run over. I did like the little settle mention that the crime boss "liked" Rick and was insanely jealous of anyone being around him, which works to Darkman's advantage. Ted wears his trademark glasses, and his death was always something I remembered as a kid, seeing his lenses light up as a massive bus speeds towards his head!
3) Hank - Lunatics: A Love Story
- To quote my friend Stephanie at Ted's panel, this film is "An hour and twenty minutes of pure charm." I'll always remember this zany movie from it's hilarious cover at the video store as a kid. This was one of the few times Ted was a leading man, as well as surviving AND getting the girl! A total crazy little guilty pleasure of mine, and that so great hearing Ted talk about this past weekend. Luantics tells the story of Hank, agoraphobic who hasn't left his apartment in months. Hank has some crazy delusions (such as doctors, giant spiders, and rappers) It isn't until a beautiful young woman accidentally by chance do to a phone glitch receives a call from Hank at a phone booth, and both meet. Of course a series of crazy adventures follow, which make Hank finally wrap himself up with tin foil to venture out into the city to find the girl, and finally once and for all get over his fears! This movie seriously is all heart. I adore Deborah Foreman, as well as Ted. They make such an adorable couple. With cameos by Bruce Campbell, as well as some clever stop motion effects, this is a film that deserves more love. Due to it's cult following, rumors have been floating around that a DVD or blu-ray release may be happening soon! Fingers crossed!
2) Pac Man - Shocker
- The one movie I've been dying to talk about with Ted when I (hopefully) ever meet him is Wes Craven's Shocker. Ted played the small role as the assistant coach Pac Man. This most likely was the first movie I ever saw Ted in since I remember when (spoiler!) when his character was killed off I screamed and shut my TV off, refusing to watch the rest of my VHS tape I rented. It wasn't until a few years later when I actually owned a copy that I finally saw how the movie ended. I remember it broke my heart. Ted might have had a small role in this, but his character was beyond sweet and very likable. Basically this film was Wes Craven's way to try and make a new "Freddy" with a different series. Sadly the box office results were less than overwhelming, and didn't have the response that A Nightmare On Elm Street had five or so years before. Shocker tells the story of a high school star football player who has a vivid nightmare of his family that adopted him when he was younger being brutally murdered by a television repair man who has been massacring families all over the city. When he wakes up, he learns the horrifying truth that what he dreamed was actually true, and that this man is very much real. Using his dreams, he helps his police detective father to help track down this man who eventually lands up in the electric chair. Unfortunately this serial killer has been worshiping the devil, and finds a way to transport his soul through electric power. After he's "fried" he jumps from body to body, trying to kill the high school student who put him to death. Sounds insane? Well guess what? It is! I find Shocker a pretty decent Wes Craven film, despite the fact it really truly tried so badly to be an Elm Street rip off. Still, it's a favorite of mine dating back from my childhood, and has some great visuals (the chair coming to life anyone?) I do wish, even though the lead did a decent job (who's a director now) I think Wes could have been a little cutting edge in casting Ted as the lead. Sure he's not the football player type, but seeing a "nerdy" guy of guy become the horror hero would have been refreshing. Still, Ted's death in this is absolutely heartbreaking!!!
1) Dennis Skinner - Skinner
- This is my personal favorite role Ted has ever done and I constantly try to recommend it to fellow horror fans. It tells the twisted story of Dennis Skinner, a man who as a child was horribly abused by his father, and forced to watch his father skin his deceased mother right in front of him. Since then, Dennis has become somewhat of a drifter, going from city to city, working odd jobs, and abducting women and skinning them alive. It isn't until he moves to a seedy looking city, renting a room from a lonely married woman, that he's unaware that one of his past victims who he left horribly disfigured is tracking him down, looking for revenge! This low budget film features such talents as Ricki Lake, and Traci Lords. Ted gives a sympathetic protrai as Dennis. I couldn't help but feel bad for this guy! Very few films actually make you side with the villain despite what horrible and disturbing things they do. I feel this was mainly because Ted played the role the way he did. I absolutely loved his chemistry with Ricki Lake, as well as the ending as he lays beside Traci Lords, wounded, and most likely dying, telling her what will...and most likely probably happen to him. For horror fans, as well as Raimi fans RUN...do not walk to check this movie out!!!
So in closing, I'm sitting in bed, pushing the fluids, watching Shocker, and hoping sometime soon I can meet Mr. Raimi. One day we'll meet! I can feel it!
(How I basically feel at the moment)
