Friday, June 20, 2014

Terror on vacation - Top 10 horror vacation movies

Terror on vacation - Top 10 horror vacation movies. 

Ah, it's summer. The weather is getting hotter, the days longer, and for most of us nothing sounds more relaxing than a cheap 6pack of beer and some shitty horror movies. Well, for the other half summer means travel and vacations. Here are my top ten picks of horror movies that show when vacations go very, very wrong.

10) Hostel
Two college buddies do the very stereotypical vacation in traveling to Europe and visit Amsterdam to smoke as much pot as possible. Meeting up with a local, the three go to hemp bars, shitty discos, and try anything within their power in getting laid. It isn't long before they are pointed in the direction to a small village not that far away that is filled with beautiful woman. Once they check into their hotel "hostel" they are in complete awe at what paradise they found. There are naked women everywhere, and everyone always looking for a party. It doesn't take long after a drunken night for the group to become separated. One finally one friend remains, he wonders why his friends ditched him? And why he hasn't heard from them at all? After snooping around, this paradise no longer seems as flawless and as inviting as it did in the beginning. After finding two of his friend's dates, he asks if they have seen his friends. They take him right outside of the village to a massive old factory where an "art show" is taking place. Once wandering down into the dark wet basement, the friend seems a long hallway lined with doors to private rooms. It seems that yearly tourist are kidnapped and taken to this factory where wealthy business men bid on them. The winner gets to take this person into the room and do whatever they want to them. And I mean anything. Quickly this young man must outsmart this factory full of blood thirty, and high paying customers.  

9) Friday the 13th part III-IV
Believe it or not, really besides part 7 these are the only two movies where groups of kids are away on vacation at Camp Crystal Lake. (No, I don't count part 8 since that was a class trip to New York). Anywho, part III and part IV are two of the stronger installments in the Friday the 13th series. Both films have a group of young horny teenagers going up to a cabin to party, drink, and have as much sex as possible before good old Jason comes hacking his way through the group. You get the over weight asshole Shelly who likes to pop out, juggle, and scare people (let us not forget, he's the man responsible for giving Jason his famous hockey mask!), You always have the one character who is a goodie two shoes, but ends up turning into a total slut, and of course Crispin Glover with his breath taking dance moves! The body count for each film is always impressive, and makes you truly wonder if the rental insurance went up after such a massacre. Humm... #thingstothinkabout.

8) Eden Lake
If you ever want a down right depressing, and very unsettling horror movie go watch Eden Lake. I'll admit I only watched it for the eye candy known as Michael Fassbender, but it didn't take long to get very bothered and have my stomach turn at what a brutal movie this really was. A young couple from England decide to go away for the weekend to an old reservoir before it's filled in by developers. The boyfriend plans on a romantic getaway where he can finally propose to his girlfriend. The moment they arrive in the small village it's clear they aren't welcome and once they make their way to the beach they are hassled by a group of young punks. At first it just seems like the kid are just being jerks, but once they steal the couple's car keys, and keep them stranded in the woods harassing them, the tension quickly builds. Never, and I mean never have I been so bothered seeing somebody get tortured on screen. Trust me, you'll never look at box cutters the same way again. 

7) Cabin Fever
- This is one of my favorites on the list. In fact, this is Eli Roth's second film that got picked. Oh Eli, long before your ego got the best of you, your films were pretty legit. Such a shame, still The Bear Jew made horror history with his very impressive freshmen effort with Cabin Fever. This film tells the story of a group of college kids that rent out a cabin in the fall for the weekend. Right off the bat it seems as though they are truly down in the woods, and the locals aren't exactly "Normal". After an old hermit attacks their camp site the first night, his skin peeling off from a fresh eating virus, he runs away after the group tries to defend themselves. Unknown to them, the hermit fell into the local reservoir where all the town's drinking water is. Whoever drinks the water, gets the deadly virus that causes your skin to peel off within hours. Tensions high, and stranded the group begins to slowly turn on each other, fearing who's infected.

6) The Mutilator
- "Gonna go on a fall break! Fall break!" Ah, one of my all time favorite slashers. This is a movie not a lot of people talk about since it was released in the mid 1980's when the slasher boom was at it's highest. This movie is about a group of college students who decide to follow their friend up on "fall break" = Really? Is there such a thing? To his father's beach house and help close it up for the winter. It seems that the young man and his father have a very rocky relationship since years ago when the guy was just a little boy he accidently shot his mother with a hunting rifle. Since then, his father has hated his son and has become very unstable. At first all seems perfectly normal. The cabin is empty, and the teens are ready to party. Well, it seems as though the father really isn't gone. He's hiding in the side garage behind a wall, silently waiting as the teens wander off one by one as he attacks them with different hunting and fishing weapons. With gory over the top fills, this is a huge reason why beach vacations during fall are never a good idea!

5) The Hills Have Eyes
Either the 70's film, or the remake, both films send the same message. 1) Never go on vacation in the desert. 2) Always stick to the main road. 3) Bring lots of weapons with you on vacation. And 3) Just never go on vacation in general. Wes Craven's classic film shows a family taking their RV out in the middle of the desert for a cross country road trip. After stopping for gas, they decide to take a "short cut" through the desert and after breaking out they camp out for the evening. It isn't long before noises are heard from the darkness, and deformed mutants who have been living out in the desert ever since the 1950's when all the bomb testing's happened slowly begin to attack the small family. With truly brutal moments, the killers begin killing off the family before kidnapping an infant. It's up to the remanding family members who have been terrorized, beaten, and raped to finally fight back.

4) Deliverance
- Not exactly a horror movie, but one of the most powerful and well written on this list. This 70's classic is sadly so over shadowed now by the famous "Squeal like a pig!" scene. In reality. Deliverance is truly a great film, that tells the story of a small group of friends that decide to go white water rafting one last time down a river down South before they flood the area to turn into one giant man made lake. The guys all enjoy being out in the wildness but unknown to them a bunch of a backwoods inbred locals have been watching them. After the group becomes split up, the men become attacked, one of them brutally raped. Thinking fast, the men murder the local and try to hide the body before trying to make it down the dangerous river to their cars before the others follow. This is truly an awesome drama, that has a very powerful ending. Oh the South, vacations down there are never a good idea!

3) Shark Night
Sharks and Joel David Moore? Yes please! This campy fun B movie is one of my favorites. I'm sure anyone who reads this blog knows how I feel about sharks, so seeing this movie was a total treat for me, most of all in 3D. The story is simple. A bunch of college kids go to their friend's awesome summer home which happens to sit in the middle of a small private island. As the teens party, water ski, and play pool beer pong they notice all isn't what it seems. There just happens to be several very large, and man eating sharks swimming around looking for fresh meat!

2) April Fools Day
- A spring break vacation in a huge mansion on an island, and the only way to and from is on a boat...sounds inviting. Oh you bet! Well, for these college friends, they couldn't think of a better way to spend their week pranking each other, and making jokes about the future at their very wealthy friend Muffy's estate. Right off the bat there's a terrible accident on the boat, which leaves one of the dock workers horribly hurt. Trying to make the best of their weekend, the young adults all gather at the house before noticing the entire place is rigged for gags and jokes. There also seems to be several clues left in their rooms that deals with dark secrets about their pasts. Slowly as the weekend goes on, the group is picked off by an unknown killer one by one. The friends start to notice that Muffy, their hostess isn't acting normal, in fact she's acting down right strange. As the mystery begins to unwind, one of the friends and her boyfriend start to discover that Muffy has a twin sister Buffy, and she isn't about to allow anyone to leave the party early.

1) The Evil Dead
Oh Sam Raimi. How I love thee. This man was responsible for the whole "Kids go to the woods to rent a cabin and get killed." Idea. Sorry Cabin In The Woods! Great movie, but trying a little too hard to be clever for me. The Evil Dead of course is the original, and classic. Telling the story of a group of teens that rent out a cabin, they begin to suspect that all isn't what it seems. In fact, there's some unknown presence lurking in the woods, waiting to take them one by one. As for our lead Ash, this poor guy can't catch a break. You go to the woods to "Party down!" and maybe get laid and instead after several sequels, you battle demons, have to cut your friend's head off, and your own hand and for what? A shitty vacation that's what!

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